Press On.

Work’s been the same old stuff – testing data points and algorithms in the system.

As for school, the first official lesson for HR last week was rather interesting. Many of us participated actively in the discussion on globalisation. You know sometimes, I dare not speak up for fear of saying wrong or stupid things, and end up embarrassing myself.

However, now I strive to adopt a different mindset when it comes to academic discussions: just say it, of course with prior proper thinking; and if I’ve to be a fool and embarrass myself to learn to speak up more, so be it. I don’t really have much to lose. I mean, why should I bother about what people think of me? So long I’m happy, that’s good enough. Not to mention that I don’t live to please anyone, except God and my parents.

Next time if I do or say anything funny, lame or stupid which cause you to laugh. That’s good because I manage to make you happy through laughter.

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I attended Miracle service last Saturday, since I was serving. A lady shared her testimony – on how God has healed her of her various physical ailments and interestingly, how God brought her to visit hell and heaven in her dreams. In hell, she saw people screaming as fire burned out of their bodies. In heaven, she saw the gate, the ground which resembled gold and a beautiful mansion. Then Pastor proceeded to share about Kenneth Hagin, where God brought him to hell 3 times, before he was healed of a disease and became a powerful evangelist.

All this sharing made me realise how important it is to consider our eternal destiny, especially for those PRE-believers. People nowadays don’t really give much thought about after-death, as many assume that death won’t hit them that early and after you die, that’s it.

Now, are you very sure, when you die, your ‘whole thinking system’, or more appropriately put, spirit will just be gone like that? And perhaps like what some others think, become another person or animal next life?  Just think it logically, you are ‘you’ – you have your own thinking and emotions. Can you imagine yourself ’switching off’ like at a snap of fingers when you die?

Why do we say 下地狱，instead of 上地狱? Why do people point down when they utter ‘Go to hell!’ It’s precisely at the bottom. We instinctively would point it down and even know that somehow it’s just a terrifying place that nobody would want to be in. Well, maybe except those who believe that they go down to enjoy life by burning whatever items that you can think of.

It really amazes me that people can believe so much about hell. They think going to hell is easier than to heaven which is only for those super super good people. Again, what is ‘good’? By deeds? If so, how much have you accumulated? And what’s the passing points for the deeds to qualify to go up?

Believing in something, requires faith. Why can’t they divert this faith to believing that going to heaven is possible. Without any passing points - it can never be by deeds! Even if you don’t believe there’s a God, that itself requires faith already.

We human beings have great propensities to believe in bad things easily and love to complicate things. The simpler and more positive things somehow just seem very difficult to accept. And just as when the gospel is preached – Jesus died on the cross for your sin, so that you can be saved eternally to heaven; people just find it too good and simple to be true.

Understand this folks, christians out there seemingly pester and irritate you sometimes to visit church, is not because they want to expand the religion. In the first place, christianity is never a religion, if you scrutinize it close enough, but truly a father-and-child relationship with the Almighty God who is love.

They invite you to church, share the gospel (which means good news) to you, in the hope that you’d know this Saviour, Jesus Christ personally, to be saved from hell and go heaven. Nothing more than that. period.

Give christians a proper chance to tell you more about our Jesus, before you truly decide whether you should believe in Him, or continue to to believe that you will just ’switch off’ after you die, go to hell to play or become another person or animal.

So, if I ever talk to you about Jesus, lend me your patience and open heart.

God bless you, folks.

BoomZ!

Ok, I got ‘killed’ by the drummers there.

They are so much better and versatile than me!!!

The audition went like this:

Play whatever you’ve prepared: I played some funk, pop, latin stuff. And you know what? There’s this guy after me who played Anthropology which is a fast jazz piece. That’s it, after watching him, I know I’m gone case.

Then came rudiments. Was tested on singles, doubles paradiddles which I did at some amateur speed. Needless to say the rest did it with much ease and speed, sounding reasonably clean.

The grooves that they tested were Bossa nova, afro-cuban and Songo. I could pull off the first one, but the other 2, totally gone again. Though I know what they are, I’ve not mastered them, as their speed and coordination to them are rather difficult!

Finally was the sight-reading. The chart was simple. But the tempo that the judge gave was like at 180bpm??!! It’s practically fast jazz type of playing.

So that was my try for the Mosaic Music Festival. All that spur me to practise even more and harder. And I seriously should continue my lessons again! May God provide the resources!

Moving on, want to thank God that my parents are willing to go miracle service this Saturday to listen to a Thai guest preacher who came from Buddhist background, talk about Jesus vs Buddha. If you’re interested to hear about it, do come join us at Lighthouse, this saturday, 7pm. =)

Ok it’s late, I still have work tomorrow.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding.

Something different…

So here is a brand new start – 2010.

Started my internship at Y which is basically a process control vendor. For now my task is rather mundane and boring: verify the algorithms in their interface system, using the test data given by the client. My team that I’m in, deals with alarm systems in the plant and distributed control system (DCS) which links the plant to control room. So a lot of programming there. Although most of their clients are chemical companies, the bulk of the work is still in programming, not in chemical engineering per se. Not really relevant to what we have studied, I feel. Looks like we’ll pick up some other programming there…

Since it’s engineering firm, most of the staff are middle-aged. So you know what it’s like to work in such an environment. It’s not as vibrant and lively as being in a young-people-environment. Really. Most of the time, everyone is pretty much glued to the computer screen; majority would lunch in either of 2 caterias and head straight back to work. There isn’t much talking-cock or chilling-out. It’s just work and work till knock-off. So the young people like us, the 3 interns, are somewhat ‘in our own world’.

I don’t know if I’d want to work in such an evironment in future, though I heard from a colleague that the pay and bonuses are rather decent. No doubt they get to travel to meet clients, like my sup who’s going to Saudi Arabia; but the working place itself is…lacklustre and boring. Don’t know if this applies to a typical engineering firm.

Oh, then in our office, there’s this walkway in the centre which everyone would have to walk through in order to get to the lift, pantry or toilet. Along the walkway are some sleek white short storage cupboards. Furthermore, as the partitions of the workplace are very low, I could get a full view of the whole level, just by straightening up. Hence, I call the walkway ‘the fashion runway’. Though there are only a few people worth looking.

Speaking of which, there’s this very tall and attractive PRC lady with long silky hair. Think she’s in the research team, interestingly. And I saw my neighbour who’s in the marketing dept and appears to be the most metrosexual.

Working life is tiring. After I reached home, I just feel like sprawling on the sofa to slack, doing nothing strenuous to the brain. My evening modules will commence next week – Thurs and Fri, HR  and core mod. The latter costs me 2101 points! Sick right? Anyway, guess it’ll be a time to taste and learn a tiny bit hardship there.

Going for an audition for drums tomorrow. Pray that I’ll be able to get in!

Till then, signing off and take care folks!

Had my maiden cycling trip in Pulau Ubin with my ex-cell (brought my sis along too) last Saturday.

Unfortunately, the weather was not on our side. After waiting for close to half an hour for the rain to become less heavy, we finally board the bumboat. As the boat cut through the sea, I leaned on the railing at the back to admire the beauty and seemingly calmness of the surroundings. To some extent, it felt therapeutic emotionally.

After about 15 minutes of boat ride, we finally reached the island. A small cosy village as it seemed. Headed to the nearest bicycle shop which we believed had the best quality bikes (They even had a huge sign stating ‘Quality bicycles’). I liked their gears a lot. Very smooth. Much better than those in ECP. Rental was decent, relatively cheap - $7 till 6.30pm as they close at that time. And it was 3 plus – still drizzling.

As time passed, the rain got heavier. On one hand, it added more excitement; on the other hand, we got more dirty as we rode through the sandy trails. Not before long, we were all drenched and the back of clothes got nice ‘leopard prints’, thanks to the dirt and mud.

Along the way, you could spot a few attap houses which emit the village feel, as if you were in Malaysia. Also, the whole terrain reminded me so much of my army training – so much resemblance.

Overall, a eye-opener and great fun for me since it’s my first time. More to come, with better weather, of course. After which, settled our dinner at Changi V. Quite a number of ‘famous’ stalls there. Well, if you like cheap and good food, yet don’t mind the smoke and smell, then it’s one good place worth eating at!

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Then came Sunday where my ex-cell organised a (post)-Xmas party. Simple food, great fellowship and games (I hoped – yours truly organised the games). Hehe.

It was indeed very encouraging and heart-warming to hear people share about 2009 – how much struggles some might have gone through; how some have been blessed or learnt through certain situations; and more importantly how God has ALWAYS been faithful to each and every one of us, guiding and teaching us.

Frankly, how I wish I could go back to this cell again. This cell which I STILL love and miss a lot; this cell where I feel very comfortable in, or should I say the most by far. The fellowship and support (though may not be perfect) are still wonderful.

I like what Vic shared – Today you might be strong, help others who are weak..But tomorrow you might weak and others would come pull you along. And aren’t what fellowship and support are all about? Helping and supporting one another in Christ.

Yes, community is truly important for support to materialise. And deep down in my heart, I feel a lack in it, surprisingly. Knowing a lot of people doesn’t necessarily equate to being in support. For now, I’ve this idea/solution in my mind – don’t know if this would work or even be allowed. Pray that God’d lead.

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Lord, I’ve strayed too far away.

Create in me a pure heart, O God.

Renew a steadfast spirit within me.

Thank You Lord.

Thank you Lord for the results – all Bs.

Though I know it’s just average, I’m glad that I’ve done my best (overall, throughout the sem) and achieved what I wanted.

To others, all this might seem nothing and because it’s nothing, it has no inkling of God’s work. But personally, I began to see what God’s trying to do, or rather teach me through my academic years.

Indeed,  being a perfectionist, one of the greatest propensities is for me to place great emphasis on successes – in forms of grades, achievements and what not; find and prove my worth through these. Also, there’s the desire to maintain a close perfect record in whatever that I do, at least for me. Which unfortunately branches out to many problems like fear of rejections and failures.

So failing that core module in my first year, which caused my cap to plummet, naturally forced me to ask God lots of whys. There were extreme disgruntlement and disappointment with Him; not to mention other persistent struggles that I’ve to overcome.

Words are cheap. Hence, it’s easy to say I don’t care much about grades, achievements and etc, but just do my best and live with no regrets. It’s truly tough to act it out, honestly; especially for a perfectionist like me.

Therefore, perhaps all this has been serving as a platform for God to teach me one huge lesson on worthiness and break the bondage of perfectionism on me. Worthiness (and righteousness) in God’s eyes that can only come from the price that Jesus paid on the cross, through his blood. That I should not find my worthiness through all those successes and achievements, or even people. Except through and in God alone.

Perfectionism is self-focused, but excellence for God is God-focused, doing what God wants me to do. One of the traits of perfectionist is, unless he thinks he can do the job well, he won’t undertake it. And if there happens to be a few failures, he would consider giving up rather soon, since there’s the desire to maintain a ‘close perfect score’. And so, eventually the fear of failures and rejections develops. As God looks at the heart and attitude of one, it’s important to do one’s best for God. I remember an author wrote in his book that God would never lead you to a place that you can do it by yourself. Otherwise, there won’t be a need for Him to display His strength, power and glory; as well as for you to exhibit and build up your faith.

How apt. Well, I may not have mastered the lesson fully. However, there’s a slight better understanding of my current walk with God. And I’ll have to confess that I’ve been straying quite far away from Him, sadly. The fervour and zeal that I used to have, was so much more compared to now. It should be the other way round instead.

I hope I’ve woken up to my senses already and begun to do what’s right. Really pray that God would grant me new revelations and convictions, and renew my flame for Him. Amen.

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Met up with Weixiong whom I have a lot respect for, earlier for lunch and coffee. Could really sense his great maturity and intellect through our conversations. It was a very inspiring and encouraging session for me!

Time to work hard!!

Breeze it through

So, I went to ECP last Tuesday to play!

It’s been aeons since I last went there. As you know, my weekends (during school term) are often ‘wasted’ on seemingly interminable tutorials and projects. Whenever I took notice of the bright sunny or cloudy days, especially on Saturdays, Wistfully, I imagined myself hanging out at ECP, enjoying the sunshine and refreshing feeling, through blading or cycling.

There were four of us – 2 cycled while my friend and I bladed (is there such a word?). My friend was a novice, so we had to go very slow. When time’s up, we decided to cycle since they wanted to ’see the runway’ – yes, there’s this park connector which links changi village all the way to ECP via the 8km dead-straight cycling track that’s next to the runaway.

Although the weather for this month seems rather unfavourable most of the time, since it’s the monsoon season, for the first half of the time, it was quite sunny yet cooling – not as humid as before. Towards the late evening where we were trying to finish the runway, ominous clouds loomed over and there came heavy rain.

I’ve always wanted to buy a good pair of blades. However, as I ponder over how often I’d be using it, it doesn’t seem practical – as a matter-of-fact, ECP is kinda far; I don’t think I’ve the luxury of time to blade often either. Apart from blades, I would love to have a decent mountain-bike too! Alas, same reasoning applies.

Looks like a lot of things I could only do or own after I graduate. At least by then, I could afford such items comfortably and have more spare time for whatever activities, as compared to now.

Somehow nowadays, I observe the cars on the road more, thinking to myself what kind of car I’d want in future. Perhaps as I get older, different types of needs and wants arise and evolve; owning a car becomes a tpyical want among graduates-to-be, I guess. Alright I shall not continue further, as it amounts to nothing but empty-talk.

For now, more drums!

It’s 4am. Just couldn’t get to sleep. Maybe because I’ve been thinking of a few things which kinda kept me excited till now.

I need to sleep! Or else I might ‘die’ at ECP later!

Anyway, I’m so thankful that my neighbour next to me has moved away! Or more correctly put, they were chased away by HDB, due to their debts.

You have no idea how insane my neighbour, a head-shaved Indian lady, could be!

She’s really lunatic by the way, according to her husband who’s friendly to us, though. Whenever she saw any of my family members, she would pinch her nose and give that disgusted glance at us, before walking away or slam her door deliberately at us. At times, she would also scold us in Indian loudly, which my Dad or I would shut her up by ‘retaliate back’ (a couple of times – we couldn’t withstand it any longer).

Rest assured that we’ve never done anything wrong to her before, ever since she moved into the block.

She and her son who has a bad record with the police, would often quarrel, regardless of how late in the night or early in the morning. Most of the time it’s the mum yelling at the top of her voice. And if you walked past her house, there’d be a strong stench  – similar to that emitted from a body that has not been bathed for 1 month.

Now here’s the gross and horrendous part!

When the HDB movers came to remove all the unwanted remainings in the house, they found numerous cockroaches! Some dead, some alive! In fact, before the start of the cleaning, the workers actually had to pour some white powder all over the house, in order to remove the stench.

Intrigued, I decided to witness for myself how filthy the house was, while the workers were cleaning the place. Looking into the room next to the corridor, true enough, I spotted at least 10 dead roaches and 3 were still alive on the wall. The corridor leading from their unit to the lift had dead roaches lying all over, not to mention the amount of debris and dirt accumulated from all their stuff.

My mum who loves cleaniness, was worried and somewhat frantic, as you never know how many roaches would run over into our house. During the ‘big spring cleaning’, my mum had to kill a few of them which were running towards my house.

Moral of the story: Thank and appreciate your mum or whomever that keeps the house clean and tidy; Always keep your house clean to prevent roaches and lizzies from coming; have good and nice neighbours. And it would be good if the next occupant has contemporaries. Hehe.

First time I recorded myself playing the drums, to evaluate myself

We were not supposed to play this song actually – the guitarist forgot that it should be the other song ‘All the Earth’.

Ok, there were couple of bloopers. First, in the 2nd chorus, there was a little slight speed-up. Second, I didn’t hit the crash successfully – my stick got stuck for a moment!

Seems like I need to work on a lot of things: posture, facial expression, technique and musicality.

Well, you can give me some feedback too. =)

I’ve been hooked on playing the piano these few days – experimenting some nice worship chord progressions. It’s just 3 basic chords, but I’m stuck at the arpeggios and inversions! Can anyone help me with it?

Loco..Locomotion…

My sister’s piano arrived yesterday – I was equally excited as her!

Well, she has started taking lessons at Yamaha, so I told her that she could teach me, as I’m also interested in it. In fact, I’ve been so, for quite a while.

My sister’s ‘homework’ for the week was to play Jingle bells. We learnt together and it seemed like I was teaching her on her fingering and posture – rather amusing. Perhaps because of my foundation in drumming which requires a lot of fingers and wrists too, hence I could pick up slightly faster than her. One thing that I was consistently trying to drill in her – is that to get something, especially a motion or exercise ‘embedded’ into our muscle memory, we need to do it VERY SLOWLY and REPETITIVELY, preferably 1 hour per day, at least 4 times a week. And after doing so for 6 weeks, I guarantee that you can close your eyes and execute it flawlessly and smoothly; even when you are asleep. This whole ‘teaching notion’ is really nothing novel – it’s been used by many musicians, ok, at least the professional drummers that I know.

So, after mastering Jingle bells close to like 90% perfection, I decided to venture further – learn a song! It came to my mind that the very first song that I learnt on guitar was ‘Jesus lover of my soul’; hence I youtubed for it and started digging on it!

Now, I’m like 70% there. My chord-changing speed is rather slow. Still need time to ’search’ for the correct positions. Besides that, as I was hitting the keys randomly, I sorta landed myself playing a similar tune to Corrine May’s melody, which if you know her music, is very heavily piano-sounded – emotional type as well. And yes, I do imagine myself to play something like her (I imagine A LOT of things btw). Hopefully after 2 years, I’d be able to piano the decently. Hehe.

You know, my parents did send me for piano lessons when I was much younger. However, because the teacher was fierce and used a ruler to hit my fingers, from then on, I stayed away from piano all the way. Ok, partially also because I was lazy to learn all the notes and stuff – which I’m slowly trying to accept them. Accepting dislikeables, huh?! haha.

Drums is much straightforward – the position of notes indicate where you hit, and mostly is maths, really. However, the ‘investment’ that comes with it is exorbitant! Most of the instruments are just 1 piece by itself, you rarely need or can change the whatever parts. But for drums, you have so many parts to play with!

1 snare drum, you can talk about the skin – whether coated or 2-ply; the type of shell: wood(birch/maple) or metal(bronze, steel, copper); the hoops: die-casted or wooden, and many more. All of which affect the sound.

I was doing research on the above, and realised the amount of knowledge involved is humongous! What makes it more difficult is the intangiblity of sound. For example, if I describe a sound as warm and wet, it’s kinda hard for you to concur, since our perceptions of sound differ from individuals.

Anyway, moving on…

I got my internship at Yokogawa which’s at bedok. But, I’d need to go back school on 2 days, as I should be taking 2 evening modules. The job description was like 2-liner – makes me wonder if it’s gonna be super mundane and boring. I truly hope not and the people there will be nice! I was quipping to my friend that after work, we can run to ECP and exercise or play. Guess it’s a good break from all that studying, for the next 3 months.

I was telling the Lord that how I wish I could be MORE normal?? A lot of cynical and skeptical thoughts have been building up in my mind (yes, I ought to reject them in the name of Jesus). Many things are running through my mind – I don’t know where I should start tackling…

Certainly I know this: seek the Lord FIRST. And I would actually wonder ’seek the Lord? So, when and how is he gonna be found, seriously?’. Though I’m in a church that deals with divine healing, when I pray for healing myself, honestly, I got nothing! Yes by all means, justify by saying that God’s in control; time is not right yet. Does that include the time when I have had and am having a boney thing stuck in my throat, since yesterday morning? That after prayer and stuff, nothing happened. The pain is killing me. I don’t wish to end up swallowing it down, letting it slice my internal organs. That was what happened to my secondary school teacher, days after eating otah, btw.

Yes, have faith and wait. But some areas I simply couldn’t wait. I’ve many areas of body aching, and definitely it seems more appropriate (humanly) that I seek IMMEDIATE treatment and relief! Instead of waiting for what, years?

What happens to introverts when they become christians? Do they become more extroverted? Since christianity is a community of faith.

To be continued…

God, tell me how….

Run??

That’s FUCKING miserable and sad!

What for?

I noticed there are people who searched some ‘academic phrases’ like ‘ nus chem eng’ , ‘nus particle tech’ – related to chem engine, and reached my blog.

I’m curious – what exactly do YOU (yes, you’ve reached my blog by keying those keywords) want to find out?? Haha.

Anyway, found out somone got attached. Not in the least surprised. Well, to you, all the best and have fun.

Recently, a few of my friends asked me why I don’t get attached. I laughed out loud literally. I told them that I don’t want to ruin other people’s lives.

I guess when you’re ‘good and nice and stable’ in whatever ways that you (or girls) deem, naturally you will be taken noticed and considered – no fear of not being able to find a partner.

Ok enough of all that.

Time to practise drums…